Gummy Bear Therapy
by SweetChi
Summary: A stoned Roger contemplates Riggs' past. Tag to Gold Rush.


Set at the end of Gold Rush.

 **Gummy Bear Therapy**

 _"_ _When I was at my weakest… Couldn't fight back… Jake saved my life."_

Those words echoed around Roger's mind as his high wore off. It was the one thing he could think about that brought about absolutely _no_ desire to giggle whatsoever (it was a manly giggle, of course, but a giggle nonetheless), so he focused on it, slowly regaining control over himself with focus on those words and the questions they brought about. Staring at Riggs, twitching in the chair across from him, his face twisted into something vulnerable that he'd _never_ let through his mask when conscious, Roger's mind slowly picked up the pace.

 _"…_ _Jake saved my life."_

He'd accepted Riggs desire to not talk about it any further than that, at least outwardly. He knew he should feel lucky he got that much out of the man who was a freaking emotion dodging ninja, but the questions rolled on (along with perhaps a little jealously at Riggs friendship with Jake – and the secrets they shared that he wouldn't let Roger in on).

Riggs jerked in his sleep again, head twisting at an angle that could _not_ be healthy, let alone comfortable. Taking a deep breath, Roger levered himself out of the couch that had seemingly molded itself around him. After just standing and blinking for a minute, he moved toward his partner.

"Riggs, hey, wake up."

He reached forward and laid a hand on his shoulder, but that's as far as he got. Riggs' eyes shot open as soon as he touched him and Roger froze at the look in them. Something he'd never seen from him before – fear. Then Riggs shoved away from him so hard that the chair he was sleeping in fell over, dumping him out on the ground and sending him scurrying backwards in a kind of flailing crab walk.

Roger's mind was still slow after his binging on the "special" gummy bears though, so all of this was replayed in his mind as he stared at the ceiling after having tumbled over the coffee table from the shove.

"Ugggh," he groaned out theatrically, giving Riggs time to pull himself together.

"Rog, you okay?" Riggs asked, popping into his vision, eyes still a little wild and hair all in his face. "Sorry about that, man. I didn't-"

"I'll be fine when you quit blowing your stale beer breath all up in my face," Roger said, giving Riggs a small shove away from him before accepting the hand up.

 _"_ _When I was at my weakest… Couldn't fight back…"_

The words echoed in his mind as he felt the small tremors in Riggs hand as he pulled him to his feet. The way he stepped away from him quickly, shoving those betraying appendages deep in his pockets while his eyes danced over everything in the room but Roger.

While Jake had been pretty chatty about some of the antics he and Riggs had gotten up to as kids, he was very tightlipped and vague on the details of others. Roger was a detective for a reason though, and could read between the lines. Riggs had one hell of a shitty childhood and spent most of his time running the streets rather than being at home. _Avoided_ going home from what he could piece together from Jakes stories.

 _"_ _-weakest… Couldn't fight back…"_

"Stop it."

He started at the gruff words from Riggs, who still wasn't looking at him.

"Huh?" He asked, trying to play off his staring as just still being stoned.

Riggs glanced at him then, looking amused and annoyed at the same time somehow.

"Pickin' me apart," he said, looking away again. "I know that look. Cahill was probably born wearing it. I'm fine. Quit thinking on it."

"You're not fine."

The words were ones he normally would've avoided. Maybe. But the gummy bears were still giving him this disconnected feeling and he felt himself saying it before he thought it over. Predictably, Riggs stiffened, jaw clenched and he turned to start gathering up the empty beer bottles.

"I'm a grown ass man," he hissed, the bottles clanking together loudly as he snatched them up. "Not a-"

"Helpless kid his daddy liked to wale on?"

Again the words were out of his mouth before he gave them permission and he found his own eyes widening as he belatedly realized that he'd voiced his suspicion out loud instead of just in his mind.

Riggs froze from his manic cleaning of the area and Roger could faintly hear the bottles clacking together as the tremors increased. The silence was heavy and lengthy and Roger cursed his slow mind as he tried to find a way to take back the words he'd let escape.

"Yeah," Riggs finally said, shoulders slumping slightly as he moved toward the kitchen. "Yeah…"

Roger followed him into the kitchen, feet dragging over the carpet as his throat closed up at the confirmation. He wanted to say something, lighten the mood or say something profound or… dammit, just _fix_ this somehow, but the only thing that kept coming to the forefront of his mind was, "How much damage is in there? How much can one man take before he's broken beyond repair?"

He'd lost his mom, his dad was an abusive piece of shit, then there was this gap of knowledge between his childhood and when he met Miranda that Roger had no idea what Riggs had been through, but it _had_ to be some bad shit because he always got the impression that Miranda had put him back together. Then he'd lost her _and_ their kid? And found out his father figure was to blame?

There was no _fixing_ this.

There was no repairing the damage that had been done.

The realization had Roger sitting heavily at the counter, chest clenching and shoulders slumping as he realized the battle he'd wanted to fight was lost before it really began.

But…

Maybe there was no going back, no fixing what was done. But he could help Riggs build something new. He could stand with him and help keep the new pieces whole, make sure nothing would break him down again like it had done before.

Taking a deep breath, he looked up at Riggs, who was staring back at him silently. Waiting. Waiting for what, Roger wasn't sure, but he hoped like hell that whatever it was he wouldn't let him down. He rose from his seat and saw Riggs tense as he approached him. But he just laid his hand on his shoulder and squeezed as he passed him to start digging through the drawers.

"I think we need some more of those damn gummy bears."

He felt Riggs eyes on him and waited to see if he was going to bolt like he always did. Instead he heard him laugh.

"Yeah, okay…"

Roger hid his own smile. It was a start.


End file.
